The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
