The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
