WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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