hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
