I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
