I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
