I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
