Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
