how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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