And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
