i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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