I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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