I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
