You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
