He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just found a bag of teeth...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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