Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
