is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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