Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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