I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize