I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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