I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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