im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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