a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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