I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
