I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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