my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
