Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
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So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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