i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
