Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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