I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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