if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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