Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Dude my mom stole all your condoms

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?

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(416): View more from Ontario

She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.

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(517): View more from Michigan

Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.

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(319): View more from Iowa

We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"

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(773): View more from Illinois

Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?

(803): View more from South Carolina

Yeah, why?

(864): View more from South Carolina

The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.

(1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

hasn't he seen you naked?

(724): View more from Pennsylvania

well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.

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