you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
