So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
