she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
