So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
