i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
