Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
