I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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