man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
