I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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