she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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