i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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