piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My vagina just recognized that song.
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we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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