Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
