all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
