shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
