I wanna bring you to show and tell
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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