please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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