please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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