Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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