You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize