I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
