alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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