i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
