There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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