I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
