i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
