When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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