after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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