glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
