mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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