im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
