My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
